Always

What the hell is going on this week?  Everyone is still reeling from Bowie and now Alan?  I'm devastated.

It's hard to put into words what a heartache I'm feeling at this moment.  Like many others, I wasn't obsessed with Rickman until he took on and brought to brilliant life the character of Snape from the Harry Potter series- even though I had seen him and even loved him in so many other films before that point.

To say that Rickman was a brilliant actor is a massive understatement- he gave visceral performances.  I can't remember a single scene where I didn't want to either punch him or madly and passionately embrace him.  His performances made you feel and that's a rare commodity in the world of entertainment.

And he knew it- he knew that he had something special to work with and he took that as a very serious responsibility.  He's quoted as saying “Talent is an accident of genes, and a responsibility.”  He used his genes very well giving performances that will be remembered forever.

It's like I said on Monday: when someone gives of themselves that completely, inhabits a performance that fully- the world is a better place for it.  He's been quoted as saying “Actors are agents of change.  A film, a piece of theater, a piece of music, or a book can make a difference. It can change the world.”  Alan Rickman changed the world.

There's so many moments- a pause, a lilt of the voice, a look that only he could deliver.  And they permanently lodged themselves in my heart.  I'll think about them years, decades later.  My voice will catch in my throat as I talk about them- what they meant to me, how completely they effected me.

It's going to be happening all day: people will be finding out.  They will be shedding tears.  They will be telling stories and tales about the first time they saw him, or how brilliant he was in this, or how hard it hit them when they saw him do this or that.  And people who knew him will be giving first hand accounts about what he was like- who he actually was, what he cared about, why he championed the causes he did.  So I won't repeat here what will be said by others better informed than I.

But I must say this:

When I am much older, sitting in my rocking chair watching that scene from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II (for the millionth time) and crying like a baby and my family asks me "After all this time?" I will say "Always."

Always, Alan Rickman.  Always.

Thank you.