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Showing posts with label Insecure Writer's Support Group. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Insecure Writer's Support Group. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

The Insucure Writer's Support Group: March


I wanted this to be an empowered post.  A "go get 'em", "fly your freak flag high" kind-of post.  But I admit it: I'm insecure.  I guess this is the place, though.

I'm currently going through the single most difficult personal issue I've ever faced in my entire life.  (And no, that's not hyperbole- I've had enough life experience by now to have some pretty dark stuff to choose from and this is the worst.  Though unfortunately I doubt i'll be able to say that on my death bed- but one battle at a time.)  This experience, not surprisingly, is flooding me with so much pain I can barely stay afloat.  And I'm trying, really trying, to access that stuff and use it because of the whole idea that the best art comes from the worst pain.

Here's the problem (and the source of my insecurities): it's some pretty crazy stuff.  I'm letting out raw, unedited psychoses on the page and putting it out there for the world to see and it seems (or i'm concerned) that it's too raw for anyone to connect to.  Of all my crazy analogies and memoir-style entries not a single one of them has gotten a comment.  (Not that I usually get millions of people here at this site but I get a few.)  And honestly, I don't really feel like it's fair to blame anybody for that.

As much as I advocate for the need to be raw and honest and put out there what you need to put out there I do recognize that art needs to be at least somewhat accessible- or understandable.  You can't make up your own language and then be upset when no one understands what you're saying.

And part of me thinks it's just a question of timing- right now, in the thick of it, I can barely even make sense of it so how could anyone else?  People take time to process and figure stuff out and the story takes on texture and an arc and ending- those are the ones that make the biggest bang.  Everyone who's written a memoir has already gone through the thing they wrote the memoir about.  Cheryl Strayed didn't start writing Wild while she was hiking the PCT.  Elizabeth Gilbert didn't start the first draft of Eat, Pray, Love while she was eating, praying and loving her way around the world.

So I guess i'm trying to answer my own question and console myself that there is a place for all this, just in a different time, with new perspective and understanding.  But that makes me wonder if I should be posting this stuff, if I should be putting it out there at all.  Or if the right place to say these things is in a journal where it can sit and marinate for a while.  And if that is the case, how do I keep up with writing everyday when the only thing that comes to mind is the pain?  How do I keep up with my year of writing dangerously when the stuff i'm writing is too dangerous?

I would honestly appreciate real feedback from folks who have struggled with these same questions.  Please, don't just say "hi"- say something real.  I need it right now.

Thank you.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Insecure Writer's Support Group- February 3rd


This month i'm feeling strangely secure as a writer.  I'm a little over a month into this writing every single day thing and it's going ok.  I can't say that I've blown myself away with my own creativity just yet but I can say that I've gotten more out of myself this way than I think I ever have before.  

The pressure to write everyday means that I can't- I absolutely can not- refuse to post anything I write.  So no matter how bad my inner critic may judge something to be and no matter how much I second myself I always end up posting anyway.  There simply isn't the time to be that critical, to revise that much, to agonize over each and every word. 

And some surprises have come out it.  The biggest being when- in the course of a single week- I managed to get five paintings and seven chapters of a story written for yoga.  Our assignment was to write a love story for heart chakra and my mind latched onto something right there and then that I needed- just needed to get done.  So I did.  No judgement, no 'this has to be perfect'.  And something poured out of me that I honestly didn't know I had in me.

So on the whole- it's working.  I'm writing- everyday.  And after such a long drought it feels good to have the juices flowing again.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Bev is Back!

Big thanks to this month's awesome hosts  L.G. Keltner, Denise Covey, Sheri Larsen, J.Q. Rose, Chemist Ken, and Michelle Wallace!
 
A little while ago (read: New Year's) I set a goal for myself.  It's a rather lofty goal and while I've only been doing it for a few days I'm already thinking it's the right call.  In spite of all the unexpected interruptions that will undoubtedly make it challenging I'm thinking it's just the fire I needed to get cooking again.  Here's the goal: write everyday for a year.  366 days (because of course I had to do this thing on a leap year!), 366 posts on this blog.  That's it.

I didn't set any other limitations on it than that.  Obviously, I'm hoping this will inspire a lot of fiction.  That's the whole point of the exercise.  But 366 is a lot and I'm not expecting myself to be a writing machine.  So there's gonna be a lot of non-fiction, too.  Memoir-style entries, book reviews, blog hops (like this one), thoughts about this crazy, life-altering yoga journey I'm on and a whole lot of other random and not easily categorized things.   No rules, no limitations, just writing.

And I have to say, it's going pretty well so far.  I've been pulling ideas out of these writing exercise books by Brian Kiteley.  The 3am Epiphany and the 4am Breakthrough.  They're gold mines for weird, introspective, deep, silly, intellectual and insanely creative prompts and there's a lot of knowledge about the art form in the pages.  It's getting the creative juices flowing and getting my fingers typing and after such a long time without that this has been a big buoy to me.

But, credit where credit is due: I am the one writing.  And I'd like to think that maybe one of the most fundamental lessons about writing is finally starting to sink in: you gotta write crap.  Stupid, incomplete, unpolished, insane, unintelligible and just plain terrible crap.  Why?  Because that's the manure the good ideas grow in.  That's where you plant the seeds for the brilliant bursts of life that grow and blossom and bloom into amazing works of art.

I've been hearing this a lot: creativity is like giving birth.  It's painful and super messy but in the end you wind up with something awe-inspiringly beautiful that's going to grow in ways you can't yet imagine.

I've been told these things for years.  I've been encouraged to give myself the gift of wild and reckless writing since as far back as I can remember- my earliest writing workshops in high school.  But I never got it, I never understood how you could let your work out there when it turned out so differently than that perfect idea you had in your head.  So for most of my life my inner critic ruled the nest and I edited myself so severely I nearly lost my voice altogether.

But I'm done with that.  I'm saying it with confidence now- DONE.  No more quieting that crazy, creative voice.  No more editing to the point of having nothing left.  No more judging and criticizing and scrapping my messy never-goona-win-a-pulitzer stories.  I'm letting them out.  Out of my head, out into the world.  And it feels good.

Yes, there's still a part of me that says "oh this is terrible" every time I read through what I've written.  But there's a louder, stronger part of me now that says "GOOD!" and slams down the "Publish" button with fierce, unbridled excitement.  Yes, it probably is terrible.  But boy if something wonderful isn't gonna come out of it.

So that's where I am today.  Less insecure than I've ever been.  Happy about finally writing again.  Bursting with ideas and tappy-tappy-tapping away on my keyboard like a two year old with a toy piano.  And all because I'm finally doing what i've been told to do for years: just write.  That's all.

It's finally sinking in.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The Insecure Writer's Support Group- Anniversay Edition

Hello and welcome to a very special anniversary edition of  The Insecure Writer's Support Group!  Thanks go out to our amazing founder Alex J. Cavanaugh and to this month's co-hosts Kristin Smith, Elise Amata, Suzanne Furness and Fundy Blue!  Thank you all!!!

Those of you who are published, on the road to being published or have experience with marketing are hopefully all submitting your entries for inclusion in the The Insecure Writer's Group Guide to Publishing and Beyond.  If you fall into this category but have not already submitted your entry please go to http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-guide-to-publishing-and-beyond.html and submit your link to your 300 word or less entry so it can be added to the anthology and read by people like me who hope to one day publish themselves.

Seeing as I fall into the category of writers who have not yet been published I'm not including today's entry in the anthology- I'll wait for a time when I have some experience in that.  For now, I'm just going to talk about something that inspires me.

You!  I have long lived under the delusion that published authors were somehow more than human.  Be it their unimaginable talent which must have been gifted by a personal muse on speed dial or some vast sum of money that allowed them to give up work and other distractions in order to do nothing but write I always believed that there was something almost supernatural that made a published author published.  But because of this community I've come to learn that the only difference between me and published authors is good ol', unadulterated discipline.

You guys work- full time jobs 99% of the time.  You're moms and dads with kids running around your writing spaces and cluttering up your brain with everything involved in that all-important responsibility.  You cook and clean and buy groceries and fall behind on deadlines.  And yes, you sometimes also get distracted by you tube and facebook and the other black holes of the internet.  On the whole, you're just like me.

But unlike me, you take the time to write everyday.  You read and research independent publishing firms and self-publishing routes.  You help other writers market by hosting book tours and blog hops and everything else involved in marketing your own work.  You work your butts off, in other words, to get your books out there into the world.  And YOU- not those super-famous authors I placed on such impossibly high pedestals- inspire me.

So today, on the one-year anniversary of that wonderful source of so much inspiration, I say thank you to all of you published, self-published, soon-to-be published and aspiring authors out there for doing everything that you do and leading me to believe that I too will one day be among your ranks.  You guys rock!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Insecure Writer's Support Group- June

On my gosh- it's the first Wednesday of June already?!?  What the heck?  Well, I guess that means it's time to post our insecurities, offer support and encouragement, and generally connect with all the fine folks in this great group.  My thanks, as always, to our creator and bestest-guy-ever, Alex J. Cavanaugh and equal gratitude to this month's co-hosts C. Lee McKenzie, Tracy Jo, Melanie Schulz, and LG Keltner!

Ok, confession time:  I'm not writing.  At all.  And haven't been for a LONG time.  Such a long time, in fact, that I feel as though I shouldn't even be considering myself a member of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.  I mean, I can offer general support, but can I offer expertise?  Can I relate to writing struggles?  Can I offer concrete suggestions from my own experience?  Nope, sure can't.  And if being a writer is defined by the act of writing then I am definitely not a writer.  Whew.  It honestly does feel a tiny bit better to get that out.

To make matters worse, I'm not really reading, either.  I'm not blogging, I'm barely even keeping up with commenting on all the wonderful things you all are posting (as evidenced by the fact that most of you hear from me once in a blue moon).  It's not good, to say the least.

Now, normally I would be (and would have been, for some time now) indulging in the most devastating and just plain evil self-criticism imaginable, punishing myself mercilessly for not doing what I know I need to do.  But I'm not.  Why?  Because I'm pushing myself in other ways.

Since January I've been talking more and more about my upcoming 3rd Dan (3rd degree black belt for anyone who didn't read my A to Z posts) test- how hard I'm training for it, how desperately I want to do really well on it, how much is involved in that preparation.  And towards that end I joined a gym back in January and have been going with some frequency (read: 5 days a week) since then, ramping up on the weight poundage, pushing myself further in reps and sweating like there's no damned tomorrow.  I've never been athletic, I've never been huge on physical fitness and I've never belonged to a gym before so when I tell you that I've been training harder for this test than I have for anything else I've ever done in my entire life you know I'm not lying.

Since the training is such a large time commitment, energy sucker and takes so much effort to force myself to do I've been reserving all of my mental drill-sargent accountability for that, not for writing.  Thus why I haven't written a single thing in so long I can't remember the last time.  I'm training every single day instead of writing every single day.

And in some ways I'm ok with that- especially now with the test only 16 (AAHHHHHH!) Days away- I know I need to give it literally everything I've got and I'm ok with leaving absolutely nothing left over for writing.  But I am concerned- writers write.  I'm not doing it, so I can't be it. 

It's not that I don't intend to return, certainly not.  I'm hoping to significantly cut back on my gym activity and subsequently leave more time in the day to-God forbid- WRITE.  But you guys are SO committed to writing, and I'm sure a lot of you juggle more activities than I and still manage to do it.  And I wonder, does this mean I'm not a writer anymore- at all- period?  Is it ok to take this long of a break, completely focus on something else so exclusively, and still consider myself a part of a community like this?  Or still consider myself a writer?  I'd love to know what you guys think.  Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Insecure Writer's Support Group- May

Hey everybody!  Can you believe it's already the first Wednesday of the month?  That must mean it's time to share our insecurities with the world, and spread support to all those who need it.  Thanks as always to the one and only Amazing Ninja Captain Alex as well as a big, fat THANKS! to this month's co-hosts Mark Koopmans, Joylene Nowell Butler, Elsie, and Lisa Buie-Collard!

Work is sort-of blowing up right now and my writing has taken a major back-seat to other necessities so instead of offering advice or sharing insecurities I'm giving you all a big, heaping dose of what I myself need: inspiration.   May these quotes inspire us all to put pen to page or fingers to keys and create.

If you can tell stories, create characters, devise incidents, and have sincerity and passion, it doesn’t matter a damn how you write.
- Somerset Maugham


If you have other things in your life—family, friends, good productive day work—these can interact with your writing and the sum will be all the richer.
- David Brin 


Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.
- Barbara Kingsolver


Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don’t see any.
- Orson Scott Card 


Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good.
- William Faulkner 


Until next time, steadfast writers, keep writing.  And don't forget to visit our fine hosts and the IWSG home base.  Happy May!



Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Insecure Writer's Support Group- March

Hello all!  It's the first Wednesday of the month and you know what that means!  Time to release our insecurities onto the world.

Thanks as always to the wonderful Ninja Captain Alex and to his fantastic co-hosts this month: Tina Downey, Elsie, Elizabeth Seckman, and Julie Flanders!  You are all wonderful, amazing, fantastic folks and I am so very lucky to be a part of this group.  (If you haven't already, make sure you stop by and thank them!)

Well, I am quite literally drowning in insecurities this month and for very good reason: I haven't been writing.

Many smart, insightful and aware folks have talked about the brain as a muscle that one needs to exercise on a regular basis in order for it to work well.  And since writing is such a particular skill, that muscle has to be well practiced at doing that particular thing in order for one to be a good writer.  Well, my writer's brain has all but atrophied.

Why?  Well, there's a bunch of reasons- some logical, some emotional, all not valid in the end.  Yes, I started a new job which has drastically altered my schedule, changed how my week runs and required me to learn how to do a bunch of things I've never done before (like track and manage money- yuck!).  And yes, that new job requires me to have my computer (which I would normally leave at home to, you know, write on) at work.  (This is probably the #1 issue which needs to be remedied as soon as possible by my purchase of a new home computer.)  And yes, I have been busting my butt in other activities other than writing (I've become a bit of a gym rat- more on that on Friday).

But at the end of the day the number one reason for me not writing is simply the fact that I haven't been writing.  I think about a story I want to write and I start questioning it, over-analyzing it, coming up with reasons why it won't work.  I say that I'm going to just sit down and do it and magically there are a billion things getting in the way.  I start to compose the first sentence in my head and then dismiss it because it simply sucks.  We all know this process- we've all done it.  And most of us, I believe, know the solution to it: just write.

I've been in this game more than long enough to know exactly what I need to do to fix my problem.  I just need to freakin' write already.  And yeah, it may be a pain in the ass to cart my computer from work to home and back again in order to do that- but I can't keep, you know, NOT writing.  That's just not gonna fly.

So this is me saying to you what I need to hear right now: Just write.  That's all.  No matter how it turns out, regardless of what words come out- JUST WRITE.  So if you're like me, don't plan or plot or even think- just do it.  If you're already writing, just keep writing.  And if you're writing so much that you've got words bleeding out of your ears then you, my friend, are my hero.  Just write.  That's all.

So many insecure writers, so little time...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

IWSG and The HeadHunters Race

It's time for another installment of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by our own wonderful Ninja Captain Alex and co-hosted this month by Bob Milne, River Fairchild, Julie Dao and Sarah Foster!  Please take a moment to thank our lovely hosts for their support!

I'm keeping my insecurities brief as I've got big news to share with you all.

It's the new year and I'm struggling to put a mountain of intentions into practice.  To write, everyday.  To read, everyday.  To make time everyday for the things I realize I need to do.  I fell into a lot of bad habits over the holidays, like I'm sure we're all prone to.  I ate WAY too much.  With time off from work I fell into the habit of sleeping late.  I allowed myself to slack on a lot of things- writing included.  And now I'm trying to get myself to rebuild good habits.  It's a slow start, to say the least.  But I have faith in myself.

Hopefully next month I'll have some real action to report- and some insecurities that will undoubtedly arise from that.  But for now, I'm simply praying for all of us to start the new year with steadfast faith in ourselves.  Follow your bliss, forget about the rest.

And now, onto the big news!  My friend Kimberly Afe just released The Headhunter's Race on January 3rd and today I'm featuring the amazing world she created by sharing with you an excerpt, character interview and info on Kim's journey to publication.  I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did! And don't forget to enter the rafflecopter for your chance to win a copy of the eBook + the SAS Survival Handbook and  a copy of the eBook + a $25 Amazon gift card!  (See below!)



Excerpt from The Headhunters Race

This excerpt is from the day the race starts and Avene is getting ready.

                Hours later, when the birds start chirping, I know it's almost time to wake up. I get out of bed and change into my special clothes. The ones I've been saving for this day: a sturdy pair of jeans and a man's blue flannel shirt. Underneath I wear my white fitted tee-shirt, depicting a crudely drawn skull. I added the crossbones bearing a set of daggers with a nearly dried-up marker I found a year ago. It represents my mantra for the race: stay away from me or I'll kill you.

            I tie my sheath around my thigh, re-lace my boots with longer and sturdier cord I found on a pair of men's boots in the goodie two shoes clothing pile, and then gulp down several handfuls of water. I wipe the droplets from my mouth while I pace like a caged panther. A few minutes later I slug down another five handfuls before I remember to fill my water bottle.

            Zita leans up on her elbow. "You're sure you want to do this?"

            "I have to, Zita. It's our only way out. The only way we'll be free."

            She throws off her cover and leaps to her feet. "Well, we better do something with that hair. They'll start calling the prisoners out soon."

            Zita snatches our slop container from the table. She fills it with dirt from the corner and mixes in a bit of water. "I'm not sure how well this will work," she says, stirring it with her finger. "Sit."

            I sit on the ground cross-legged at her feet. She kneels beside me, takes a small lock of hair, and rubs mud all through the strands. The stringy tresses stick together, cold and wet against my cheek. After one side of my head is finished, she steps back and surveys her work. "Nope, this isn't working. Your roots are still too light."

            "Why don't you wash her whole head in it?" says McCoy.

            I stiffen. Leave it to him to think of dunking my whole head in mud.

            "You're a genius!" says Zita. She grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. "Help me," she says to McCoy and I cringe at the thought of him touching my head when I'm a direct competitor. He might send his ninja blade across my neck.

            He grabs the sink, half full of water, water I need to drink, and dumps three quarters of it into the corner. "Hey, I need to drink that!" I say.

            "You can drink ours," says McCoy.

            Right. I'm not going to drink theirs. He'd love that. Especially now that he's going to have to hunt on his own and the only way he knows how is by poaching off me.

            Zita stops short of pouring in handfuls of dirt. Instead she goes to the fire pit and scoops out gobs of ash. She swishes it around with her fingers, stares at it like she's not satisfied, and goes ahead and dumps in a handful of dirt anyway. "Okay, bend over, girl."

            I lean over the sink while Zita pours the murky mixture over my hair and massages it in. It's gritty and gross.

            "Hand me that old shirt in the corner," says Zita.

            I'm looking upside down at McCoy while he retrieves the old shirt she uses as her dust rag. She wrings out my hair and then places the shirt over top and squeezes out the excess water. "I wish I had a comb," she says, flipping my head up and steering my behind back to the ground.

            "It's okay, I can use my fingers," I say.

            McCoy dashes into their room. "Boom has one, hold on."

            I lean my head back in defeat. He's determined to help me, to make me feel obligated to help him in return, but his niceties aren't going to work on me.


Character Interview

This interview is with Avene, the sixteen-year-old main character in The Headhunters Race.

Q – What’s it like living in a fend-for-yourself prison?

A – Its hell.  Especially if you’re the stepdaughter of the man who sentenced every last person in there to life.  We drink dirty water, scavenge for usable items, and barely get enough food to sustain us.  I have to hunt whatever bugs and rodents I can find to supplement the slop they dump in.

Q – How can you hunt in a prison?  

A – Hunting inside the prison is not easy.  There isn’t much to hunt considering we’re on the inside and most animals are smart enough to stay on the out.  Fighting for slop is worse though.  But the place is run-down and there are plenty of openings for small animals to find their way inside.

Q – Is it true that you are missing a body part?

A – *Sighs* Figures you would ask me about that, but it’s true and it’s not really all that noticeable.  It could’ve been worse if it weren’t for Verla.

Q – I’m so sorry.  Speaking of Verla, she was a tough woman, how did you meet up with her initially?

A – There was no meeting up with Verla.  She decided if she wanted you around or not and I guess I was lucky enough that she took me in.  Otherwise, I’d be dead.

Q – Do you miss her?

A – I miss her every day.

Q – What about McCoy?

A – What about him?  Do you want to know why he annoys me so much?

Q – Yes.

A – That makes two of us.  


Journey to Publication
The Headhunters Race has a bit of a long journey.  The idea was born on June 26, 2011 after a Zelda game commercial inspired me.  The commercial was brilliant and I thought why can't they make a movie that cool?  And then I thought, why don't I write a cool adventure myself! 

So I brainstormed this story with my son over a dinner of spicy spaghetti a couple of nights after the idea came to me.  We worked out the entire novel:  the characters and their motivations, the world, and the details of the race as I frantically wrote it all down.  My husband and daughter also helped me brainstorm items that I needed worked out.  I then spent a little while playing around with Avene's voice and then wrote like crazy.  I finished in December of 2011.  I actually started having critique partners read it in November of 2011 and began querying agents in January of 2012 after more revising.  I also entered it into a few popular contests around the blogosphere in early 2012.  Then I took a very long break due to life circumstances with hubby’s heart and moving.  Early this year I got back into writing.  I’d been thinking about self publishing for quite awhile so when querying a few more agents and a handful of publishers didn’t work out, I decided to go for it, and now, 2 1/2 years later, the book is out there!  Wahoo!

Author Bio
Kimberly is the mother of two awesome kids, wife of the nicest man in the world, and her dog's best friend. She works by day and writes middle grade and young adult science fiction and fantasy novels in her spare time. She lives with her family in the beautiful Sonoran Desert.

Website     Goodreads     Twitter     Facebook     Blog   Amazon

Please join me in wishing Kim success and rabid fan love for this amazing release!

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