I want to start this entry by apologizing to all of the truly
wonderful folks who used to follow this blog and have likely wondered where on
earth I have disappeared to over the past few months.
I fully admit that I flat-out fell off the
face of the planet and if any/all of you gave up on me I completely understand
and do not blame you.
In fact, if no one
ends up reading this entry because of that I get that, too.
It’s mostly for me anyway.
However, should you be one of those truly wonderful
folks mentioned please accept my apologies and believe me when I say that I
plan to re-earn your attention by visiting you all in the very near
future.
It will take me a while to catch
up on everything you’ve all been up to, but it will be time well spent.
Now, as to where I’ve been for the past few months (which
also serves as a general re-cap for the past year which is what this entry is
all about, anyway). Ah-hem… (*Pauses,
considers, re-starts*) Actually,
wait. Let me back up a second.
In January, I had two pretty huge goals occupying my thoughts. One was personal and one was
professional. I’m going to start with
the personal since work is a whole other category altogether.
Karate
This year was the year of my 3rd Dan test (3rd degree black
belt in Tang Soo Do for anyone who hasn’t been here before). I trained for it harder than I had ever
trained for anything before. I started
working out at the gym 4 to 5 days a week, I was practicing forms at least
three times a week and anytime I wasn’t actively practicing something I was
thinking about it. I breathed it for months and months. This is partly why I performed as well as I
did in our home tournament in April.
It’s also why when I finally took the test in June I did as
well as I did. I don’t want to say that
the test was easy because it really wasn’t.
But I will say it was significantly less difficult than what I was
anticipating and what I had trained for.
I was still proud of myself, certainly.
But because I had trained so hard and because it had occupied so much of
my thoughts for so long I was sort-of let down when it ended.
I woke up the day after feeling really depressed and the
nagging question that sparked this feeling was “Now what?” After such an epic accomplishment, what do I
do now? My 4th dan test is 4
years away- I couldn’t just wait around for another 4 years. And that had been such a focal point in my
life that I felt lost with it finished.
Now what?
The answer is what leads to the number two big
accomplishment on my list- the one I didn’t see coming.
Running
I relayed those feelings and that question to a friend of
mine. This friend was and is a runner. So he suggested to me, upon hearing me
express this, that I do the same. It was
a very simple question: “Why don’t you try running?”
I had an answer for him.
“I’m not a runner,” I said. I’d
always hated running. I mean, I joined
the track team in high school and hated it so much that I quit in a single
week. That was how much I hated running.
“Well, yeah,” he said, “but aren’t you different now?” Yeah, I guessed I was. “And weren’t you just saying that you trained
harder for this than you ever had for anything in your life?” Yes, I certainly had. “And aren’t you in the best shape you’ve ever
been in?” Well, I guessed so. “So it might be way easier for you now. You should try it,” he concluded. I didn’t really have any good arguments
against that line of logic.
So I tried it. One
day at the gym, after one of my regular classes, I hopped on the treadmill just
to give it a try. I ran a full 5k
without losing my breath. All that
training really had amounted to something.
So I started signing up for races- 5ks, in the
beginning. The first one was hard
because I wasn’t used to running outside.
But it was also REALLY fun. So I
started running outside and I signed up for more. Then I signed up for my first 10k. That was even more fun. Then, finally, the huge unexpected goal: the
half marathon.
I trained harder for it than I had for my 3rd Dan
test. It was at least a hundred times more difficult than my 3rd Dan test.
And I was and am more proud of myself than I have ever been before in my entire
life.
I had never dreamed that I would be a runner. In fact, it still sometimes baffles me that I
am one now. But having run my first half
marathon and almost immediately concluded that a full marathon absolutely must
be crossed off my bucket list I can’t really argue with the label anymore. It was my biggest accomplishment of 2014, by
far.
Work
This is the other area of my life where I ended up
accomplishing an unexpected goal. I
started out the year as a counselor and leader of an intensive outpatient
program for mental health. I loved my
job almost from the get go. It wasn’t
the work itself, at first. It was my
amazing co-workers. It was the level of freedom I had. The money certainly helped. But over time, it became about the work
itself. For the first time in my entire
career I felt like I was really using my education (which is a GREAT feeling
when you’re still paying monthly installments on said education.)
I am now a clinical supervisor in charge of all the drug and
alcohol counselors in the office. That
was the unexpected part.
One staff meeting, out of nowhere, my boss announced that
she was leaving and would be going to another office. My boss had been the clinical supervisor as
well as the site director (the latter position was taken over by my favorite
co-worker.) This left her morning drug
and alcohol (henceforward referred to as D&A) intensive outpatient group
open. (I’ve been leading the evening
mental health group all year. The
schedule has not been ideal, in many ways.)
So I went for it.
I didn’t actually know, in all honesty, when I applied for
the position that it included not only the morning group but also the clinical
supervisor role. I found out right in
the middle of the interview. I surprised
myself when I said, with the utmost confidence, I can do that.
‘Could I really?’ I questioned myself. The answer was yes, I really thought I
could. I have more experience in D&A
than I do in mental health. I’ve had
lots of interns I supervised over the years.
My organizational skills are good to enough to put me in charge of chart
audits and things of that nature. Yes- I
really could.
I told them this in the interview. I got the job. I never saw it coming.
After years and years and years of feeling stagnant and
frustrated with my chosen career I had started a new job and been promoted in
less than a year. Finally all my hard
work- which I have been doing all this time- paid off. It’s an amazing feeling.
(I don't have any pictures for this one, sorry!)
The only downside to this promotion- which I do genuinely believe
I will be truly good at once I actually have the time to do it- is that they
couldn’t find someone to take over my evening group right away. So for the past two months I’ve been working
12 to 13 hour days… 4 days a week… every week.
In the morning I go in and run the D&A group. Then I see individual clients and hold supervision
with the other clinicians. At some point
I run home to walk my dog and then race traffic to get back in time for the
evening group. On Fridays, even though I’m
usually well over my 40 hours by then, I go in from 9 to 3 to do individual sessions
and try to catch up on all the paperwork I’ve fallen behind on during the
week. Then I leave early to get to the one
karate class I can still do with my insane schedule. And thus why I’ve fallen off the face of the
planet.
I’m not happy that both reading and writing have fallen by
the wayside in the face of work commitments and running. But that is, obviously, what happened. I am hoping, however, that that will change
soon.
They hired someone to take over my evening group. He starts next week. I’ll be sticking to the old schedule for a
while until he’s trained and comfortable running the group on his own. But I’m hopeful that won’t be long. Once he takes over I should be able to keep
most evenings free. I’ll be able to go
back to karate on Tuesday nights. I’ll
be able- and this is the amazing part- to come home before 10pm most weeknights.
I hope and expect that I’ll be able to run and read and write again
during those evenings. That would be miraculous.
Because 2014 has held so many unexpected developments for me
I’m not even going to bother to set goals for 2015. I have some general ideas of what I’d like to
see happen- the above mentioned activities, of course. And if I happen to run a full marathon, or
publish a story, or kick ass in a karate tournament that would all be
great. But for now I’m content to bask
in the thrill of all this year has brought my way. It’s been the best one I’ve had in a while.
Happy New Year. And
my best to all of you in 2015.
