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Showing posts with label Martial Arts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Martial Arts. Show all posts

Friday, July 3, 2015

Celebrate the Small Things- How is it July Already?!?


HUGE thanks to our hosts Lexa Cain, L.G. Keltner and Katie!
So a month ago, I got really excited about posting again and I formulated all these big ideas in my mind about stories and blog hops and everything else.  As evidenced by the fact that it has been more than a month since I've posted anything I completely and totally failed to bring any of those ideas to fruition.  Sigh.  It's a CONSTANT theme in my life- there simply aren't enough hours in the day.

But, I have been keeping busy...

Yoga-  So I told you all that I signed up to start a year long yoga teacher's training last time I wrote.  I officially started on June 14th.  It has surpassed all of wildest expectations for what it could be- and it did even in the first class.  I'd been looking for something for a while- informally for years, formally for the last year or so.  And I knew, in a general manner, what I was looking for.  And the search took me to some different places- none of which were really meeting my needs.  When I heard about this class it sounded like everything I was looking for.  Well, it was EXACTLY what I was looking for.

My mind is blown every time,  I feel fed after every class, full after every class.  And yet, true to the stories, I leave each time with more questions than I had when I walked in.  I am learning how to love myself.  I am learning how to be a woman.  I am learning how to see God in every second of every day- both the infinitesimally small and the universally large occurrences of everyday.  And yet, the paradox, I am more sure now that I know less than I ever did before.  Like I said- mind blowing.

I am aware that this is an incredibly important, life-altering, searching, seeking time in my life.  And I could not be more thrilled to be on this path.  Yeah.

Running-  I've still been sunning on a pretty regular basis and I'm gearing up for my second-ever half marathon next weekend.  I have plans to log in a full 13.1 tomorrow so that come next week when my brain starts telling me that I can't I'll have concrete, recent evidence to say 'NO!'.  (That's how it works for me- once my brain knows it's not in charge my body can go ahead and run.) 

I've fallen into a bit of a pattern which I think is good because it allows my mind to wander more- I do the same loop of Valley Forge Park and because I don't have to think about where I'm going I can focus on seeing, feeling, smelling= being.  I'm having a lot of Bhava moments (which we define as the moments in which you are most you, and thereby most in tune with the source) there and it's, again, feeding me.

Karate-  Not surprisingly, this transformational mood I'm in has re-inspired my karate practice.  I'm noticing so many links and themes and it seems like our master's own journey is taking him to similar places.  He started investigating more Chinese-influenced systems a year or so ago in hopes of finding the true source of movement for a lot of broken form systems and it's led him to transition into teaching more fluid movement.  Funnily enough, my home element is water.  So I'm seeing water- fluid, heavy, smooth movement- EVERYWHERE now.  And I'm teaching it more, and I'm seeking it more in my transitions and it's bringing up all the messages I'm getting from yoga so I'm having more of those mind-blowing moments.

We recently had our annual black belt test and for the first time I was put in a main role (along with the other third dans and masters) of running it.  And then I was put in charge of running a Friday night class all by myself.  (AAAAHHHH!)  I'm a complete novice and I feel it in every instruction I give.  But I'm trying to remind myself that that's exactly where I'm supposed to be- the awkward, messy, insecure starting point.  The same messages, in every area of my life.  Ain't it funny how truth works?

The area of my life that is NOT going well, and which is making me reach out more towards these things which feed me, is work.  That whole "not enough hours in the day" thing it hitting me in the face every single flipping day.  Not in the actual therapy- that's wonderful.  But the paperwork is KILLING me and I haven't figured out how to handle it other than working longer hours, coming in on the weekends- all these things I DON'T want to do.  (Which is why I'm going in today to do paperwork even though our office is closed.)  I don't have an answer for this glaring gap in the otherwise exciting, transitioning landscape of my life.  And although this isn't really an excuse for the lack of writing and reading that I got all excited to do earlier it is a reason for it.  So I'm not going to make any promises about visiting everyone or posting every Friday.  I will post when I can, comment as I can, and hope that I'm not being a bad blogger for it.

But for the moment I'm trying to focus on the progress- all those things I said above.  Because that's nothing to sneeze at.

Celebrate The Small Things Linky:


1.Lexa Cain2.Fiction and Film
3.Writing Off the Edge4.Kidbits
5.TheCyborgMom6.Thoughts and Ideas from Deanie Humphrys-Dunne
7.My Inner Geek8.Eclectic Alli
9.Kim Graff10.Intentional Insights with S. Kelley Harrell
11.Constantine12.My Miracle Life
13.Writing, Reading, and the Pursuit of Dreams14.My Creatively Random Life
15.Jeff Chapman's Writing16.Shells Tales and Sails
17.Lara Lacombe18.TF Walsh
19.Caring for my Veteran20.Life, Yoga and Other Adventures
21.About myself, by myself22.Suzanne Furness
23.My Write Spot24.Elizabeth Seckman
25.Avalon26.Cherdo on the Flipside
27.Writing By Marilyn28.My Baffling Brain
29.Planet Kimberly30.Shah Wharton
31.Mere Joyce32.Just Get It Written
33.Tyrean's Writing Spot34.Kathleen S. Allen
35.Black Coffee and Cigarettes36.Victorian Scribbles
37.Dandilyonfluff38.Curious as a Cathy
39.Tanya Miranda40.Teresa Morse
41.Catherine Ensley42.God, Entertainment, & Annoying Things
43.Ann - A Friend of Jesus 201344.Precious Monsters
45.Carole Anne Carr46.Special Teaching At Pempi's Palace
47.Square Pegs48.Sandy's Space
49.The Beveled Edge50.Lisa Manifold
51.Lori Carlson52.Patricia's Place
53.Peace, Love, & Books
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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 Recap (A.K.A. Where I've Been Since October)

I want to start this entry by apologizing to all of the truly wonderful folks who used to follow this blog and have likely wondered where on earth I have disappeared to over the past few months.  I fully admit that I flat-out fell off the face of the planet and if any/all of you gave up on me I completely understand and do not blame you.  In fact, if no one ends up reading this entry because of that I get that, too.  It’s mostly for me anyway.  However, should you be one of those truly wonderful folks mentioned please accept my apologies and believe me when I say that I plan to re-earn your attention by visiting you all in the very near future.  It will take me a while to catch up on everything you’ve all been up to, but it will be time well spent.

Now, as to where I’ve been for the past few months (which also serves as a general re-cap for the past year which is what this entry is all about, anyway).  Ah-hem… (*Pauses, considers, re-starts*)  Actually, wait.  Let me back up a second.

In January, I had two pretty huge goals occupying my thoughts.  One was personal and one was professional.  I’m going to start with the personal since work is a whole other category altogether.

Karate

This year was the year of my 3rd Dan test (3rd degree black belt in Tang Soo Do for anyone who hasn’t been here before).  I trained for it harder than I had ever trained for anything before.  I started working out at the gym 4 to 5 days a week, I was practicing forms at least three times a week and anytime I wasn’t actively practicing something I was thinking about it.  I breathed it for months and months.  This is partly why I performed as well as I did in our home tournament in April.
It’s also why when I finally took the test in June I did as well as I did.  I don’t want to say that the test was easy because it really wasn’t.  But I will say it was significantly less difficult than what I was anticipating and what I had trained for.  I was still proud of myself, certainly.  But because I had trained so hard and because it had occupied so much of my thoughts for so long I was sort-of let down when it ended.

I woke up the day after feeling really depressed and the nagging question that sparked this feeling was “Now what?”  After such an epic accomplishment, what do I do now?  My 4th dan test is 4 years away- I couldn’t just wait around for another 4 years.  And that had been such a focal point in my life that I felt lost with it finished.  Now what?

The answer is what leads to the number two big accomplishment on my list- the one I didn’t see coming.

Running

I relayed those feelings and that question to a friend of mine.  This friend was and is a runner.  So he suggested to me, upon hearing me express this, that I do the same.  It was a very simple question: “Why don’t you try running?”

I had an answer for him.  “I’m not a runner,” I said.  I’d always hated running.  I mean, I joined the track team in high school and hated it so much that I quit in a single week.  That was how much I hated running.
“Well, yeah,” he said, “but aren’t you different now?”  Yeah, I guessed I was.  “And weren’t you just saying that you trained harder for this than you ever had for anything in your life?”  Yes, I certainly had.  “And aren’t you in the best shape you’ve ever been in?”  Well, I guessed so.  “So it might be way easier for you now.  You should try it,” he concluded.  I didn’t really have any good arguments against that line of logic.

So I tried it.  One day at the gym, after one of my regular classes, I hopped on the treadmill just to give it a try.  I ran a full 5k without losing my breath.  All that training really had amounted to something.

So I started signing up for races- 5ks, in the beginning.  The first one was hard because I wasn’t used to running outside.  But it was also REALLY fun.  So I started running outside and I signed up for more.  Then I signed up for my first 10k.  That was even more fun.  Then, finally, the huge unexpected goal: the half marathon.
I trained harder for it than I had for my 3rd Dan test.  It was at least a hundred times more difficult than my 3rd Dan test.  And I was and am more proud of myself than I have ever been before in my entire life.

I had never dreamed that I would be a runner.  In fact, it still sometimes baffles me that I am one now.  But having run my first half marathon and almost immediately concluded that a full marathon absolutely must be crossed off my bucket list I can’t really argue with the label anymore.  It was my biggest accomplishment of 2014, by far.

Work

This is the other area of my life where I ended up accomplishing an unexpected goal.  I started out the year as a counselor and leader of an intensive outpatient program for mental health.  I loved my job almost from the get go.  It wasn’t the work itself, at first.  It was my amazing co-workers. It was the level of freedom I had.  The money certainly helped.  But over time, it became about the work itself.  For the first time in my entire career I felt like I was really using my education (which is a GREAT feeling when you’re still paying monthly installments on said education.)

I am now a clinical supervisor in charge of all the drug and alcohol counselors in the office.  That was the unexpected part.

One staff meeting, out of nowhere, my boss announced that she was leaving and would be going to another office.  My boss had been the clinical supervisor as well as the site director (the latter position was taken over by my favorite co-worker.)  This left her morning drug and alcohol (henceforward referred to as D&A) intensive outpatient group open.  (I’ve been leading the evening mental health group all year.  The schedule has not been ideal, in many ways.)  So I went for it.

I didn’t actually know, in all honesty, when I applied for the position that it included not only the morning group but also the clinical supervisor role.  I found out right in the middle of the interview.  I surprised myself when I said, with the utmost confidence, I can do that.

‘Could I really?’ I questioned myself.  The answer was yes, I really thought I could.  I have more experience in D&A than I do in mental health.  I’ve had lots of interns I supervised over the years.  My organizational skills are good to enough to put me in charge of chart audits and things of that nature.  Yes- I really could.
I told them this in the interview.  I got the job.  I never saw it coming.

After years and years and years of feeling stagnant and frustrated with my chosen career I had started a new job and been promoted in less than a year.  Finally all my hard work- which I have been doing all this time- paid off.  It’s an amazing feeling.

(I don't have any pictures for this one, sorry!)

The only downside to this promotion- which I do genuinely believe I will be truly good at once I actually have the time to do it- is that they couldn’t find someone to take over my evening group right away.  So for the past two months I’ve been working 12 to 13 hour days… 4 days a week… every week.  In the morning I go in and run the D&A group.  Then I see individual clients and hold supervision with the other clinicians.  At some point I run home to walk my dog and then race traffic to get back in time for the evening group.  On Fridays, even though I’m usually well over my 40 hours by then, I go in from 9 to 3 to do individual sessions and try to catch up on all the paperwork I’ve fallen behind on during the week.  Then I leave early to get to the one karate class I can still do with my insane schedule.  And thus why I’ve fallen off the face of the planet.

I’m not happy that both reading and writing have fallen by the wayside in the face of work commitments and running.  But that is, obviously, what happened.  I am hoping, however, that that will change soon.
They hired someone to take over my evening group.  He starts next week.  I’ll be sticking to the old schedule for a while until he’s trained and comfortable running the group on his own.  But I’m hopeful that won’t be long.  Once he takes over I should be able to keep most evenings free.  I’ll be able to go back to karate on Tuesday nights.  I’ll be able- and this is the amazing part- to come home before 10pm most weeknights.  I hope and expect that I’ll be able to run and read and write again during those evenings.  That would be miraculous.

Because 2014 has held so many unexpected developments for me I’m not even going to bother to set goals for 2015.  I have some general ideas of what I’d like to see happen- the above mentioned activities, of course.  And if I happen to run a full marathon, or publish a story, or kick ass in a karate tournament that would all be great.  But for now I’m content to bask in the thrill of all this year has brought my way.  It’s been the best one I’ve had in a while.

Happy New Year.  And my best to all of you in 2015.
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Friday, June 27, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things- Bev the Athlete

Thanks to our host Viklit and co-hosts Diana Wilder, L.G. Keltner, Cyborg Mom and CaffeMaggieato!

So I know you're all dying to know how it went last week, right?  I'm sort of glad I didn't write immediately because with a week past the event I can say what I couldn't directly afterwards: I think it was actually pretty damned good.

As I've previously said, I am one of the most self-critical people on the planet so of course directly following everything all I could see was how many mental errors I made during forms, how disappointed I was that I didn't get all my breaks, how much cleaner I performed the self defense take-downs during practice.  I even had to run off the floor after breaking to go cry in the bathroom because I'd built it up so much in my head and was so angry at myself for not getting everything perfect (by far my biggest failure of the test).

But in hindsight I can see how ridiculously harsh I was being.  Why?  Because I've had a chance to watch some of the videos Dave was nice enough to take for me and I could see that for every mental error I made the other candidates- people who I truly look up to and judge as far superior to myself in terms of ability- made just as many.  For every break that took me two or three tries they needed just as many shots to complete theirs.  No one was fluid and graceful when doing take-downs.  We were all so damned nervous that we ended up performing at a lower level than we had in class when practicing the same thing.

And something that the master of the gym has reminded us (and everyone else about to take the test) of: they all know that.  They've seen us practicing these moves over and over and they know whether or not we have the technique.  They've seen us practice the breaks in class and get them the first time because it isn't the test and the pressure doesn't make us fumble.  They know the level of martial artists we are because they've seen us every class, week after week, year after year.  They know.

So yeah, I think I did pretty well.  It took me three tries to get my 360 degree spinning back kick- but I got it.  And I made some mental errors during forms, but I immediately corrected each one and pounded out each move as if my life depended on it.  And I knew what I was doing, even if the take-downs weren't as fluid as I'd like.  And anything I'm dissatisfied with I will have time to do again- after all, 4th Dan is only 4 years away.  And in the mean time I'm thinking of some other goals for myself.

The biggest change from this test to those past was my level of physical preparation leading up to it.  I've said several times on here that I trained harder for this than I ever have for anything in my life.  What that actually lead to was a physical endurance test which ended up being sort-of easy for me.  There were challenging parts, yes and I didn't get through every single challenge with flying colors.  But I did better than I have in the past.  And the big change was that the day after the test I wasn't that sore.  Past tests I was so sore from lactic acid build-up in my muscles that I could barely move.  This time?  Almost nothing- certainly no worse than a particularly strenuous workout at the the gym.  That's huge, and a clear indication of how much my hard work has genuinely changed my physique.

The other huge change this has brought about is that I'm not satisfied.  Yes, the test is the most epic thing I've ever done in my life so far as facing down and conquering my own physical limitations.  But can I do more?  A friend of mine suggested I take up running because there are races year round and I could perpetually have something to work towards.  I've always hated running, always said that I just didn't understand runners, and always secretly resented myself for not being better at it.  But I've been running a decent bit leading up to the test in preparation and, as previously stated, I'm in a lot better shape physically.

So yesterday after doing the normal aerobics class at the gym I got on the treadmill .  At first I thought I'd just do a mile, but then I thought I could do more.  So I went a mile and a half.  Then two miles.  Then I thought that maybe a 5K really wasn't such a huge goal.  So I ran 5K- and I didn't have to stop to walk once.

So now I'm thinking that half marathon my friend suggested wouldn't be so impossible.  I have to train more, certainly.  But if this test has taught me anything it's that I'm capable of so much more than I ever believed I was.  So why the hell not?  Stay tuned...

P.S.  I don't officially get promoted to 3rd Dan until September so expect some pictures when that comes about.  And if I can find any pictures from the test that don't look terrible I'll post them here.
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Friday, June 20, 2014

What I'm Doing Today... and Tomorrow

Depending on what time you are reading this post I may be in the midst of an instructor's clinic learning about Chinese forms and pressure points or, if you're catching up later in the evening, I may have already begun my 3rd Dan black belt test.  Either way, I'm going to tell you guys about the later part.


The black belt test encompasses everything I have learned in my training to this point so there's A LOT to review and the graded part (Friday night) takes several hours because of this.  While they change the order from year to year this is what we'll be doing:
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Forms (Hyungs)- everything from our most basic to our most advanced, a total of 16 forms altogether.  I've also been told that I will be asked to do a solo performance of my open tournament form.  I feel more confident about my ability to perform these at a high level than I do anything else in my test which is a good thing since they're the forte of our school overall.
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Breaking- tracing back to the martial history of the sport and demonstrating the force it would take to break through wooden armor.  You have to do three stations, one of which is a required break (i.e. they pick it).  Mine are a straight down punch through one board in the form Lo Hai (the required break), an elbow strike, hammer fist and then back kick in sequence (each through one board) and then my 360 degree spinning back kick through two boards (which I finally got through last class in practice so there's no reason I can't rock it in the test).
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One steps- a series of combination techniques involving our basic punches and kicks in a specific sequence performed on another person so we can show that we know where to place each technique.  There's 18 of them altogether.
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Self- Defense- a series of Aikido techniques designed to help one reverse various grab attacks- either opposite hand, same hand or two handed grabs.  We have to do a total of 12 for 3rd Dan (by 4th Dan I think we'll need up to 16).
Self Defense Source
Knife defense- techniques designed to defend against three types of attacks- a straight-in stab, a single slash or a double slash.  There's a total of six techniques that we do first in sequence and then at random as the attacker switches up their attacks and we have to read their movement and respond to them.  (No, we don't use real knives.  But yes, not knowing what the other person is going to throw at you does make it a heck of a lot harder!)

Kicking- We go through every single one of our kicks from the most basic to the most advanced.  I feel pretty good about my basic and jumping kicks, but my jump spinning kicks are probably the weakest of my entire inventory.  Hopefully that won't bring down my overall grade too much.
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Two-on-one fighting: Two people try to attack you, your goal is to avoid getting stuck in the middle.  Relatively self-explanatory.
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Terminology- they call out techniques in Korean and we perform them.  Requires memorization (so you know what each command is) and performance at a high level.  I feel fine about this part since it hasn't changed since the last test.
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And finally, history: they give us a verbal exam on the history of Tang Soo Do with questions ranging from describing the characteristics of each of the four colored belts in the original belt system to listing the principles of Tang Soo Do to counting to ten in either Chinese or Korean.  (Arguably the easiest part of the test since all it requires is for you to memorize a few pages of information.)

We are allowed to fail one portion of our test and still pass overall.  Most people fail by not getting all of their breaks.  I've never known anyone to fail kicking, forms or terminology.  My hope is obviously to pass every section with flying colors. 

And tomorrow...
Nothing is graded, nothing is judged, all we have to do is not quit.  They'll lead us through hours of grueling, physically taxing exercises which we have to complete.  Push ups till your arms give out.  Jumping jacks till your legs stop working.  Sparring 20 people in a row- stuff like that.  Our bodies will tell us "You're done.  You can't do this anymore.  It's too hard/ hurts too much.  You don't have anything left."  And our brains will say "Shut up and go."  And that's the entire point- mind over matter.
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Why do they do this?  Because in real life you have no control over the conditions in which you face an attacker.  Whether or not you've had any sleep, whether or not you've stretched, whether or not you're in any kind of condition to be defending yourself- but you still have to defend yourself.  So in the test when you haven't had any sleep and you're sore and exhausted and physically just done you still have to spar- same rules apply. 

And while I hope that I never find myself in a situation where I need to use anything that I've ever learned I still have the knowledge that I got through the tests.  It's an experience unlike anything I've ever been through and at the end of it I am more proud myself than I have ever been.  And no one- ever- can take that away from me.  And at the end of this test- my hardest test- I suspect that I will feel better than I ever, ever have.  Because I'm going to kick ass!

Wish me luck!

This has been part of the Celebrate the Small Things bloghop.
Thanks to our host Viklit and co-hosts Diana Wilder, L.G. Keltner, Cyborg Mom and CaffeMaggieato! 
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