A Break in the Storm

This is the first time I have allowed myself to give more than a cursory glance at the news in weeks.  I've been staying off MSN for anything more than a second or two once a day to see the headlines simply for the sake of my own sanity.  But this morning, watching countless videos of people recording the din outside their apartments in major cities all over the country, I started crying.

I've been too scared to let myself get optimistic.  Too cynical to let hope lead me to believe that it was only a matter of time like so many thought it was.  Too tense to let myself relax.  And I'm still not relaxed.  True to form, the toddler-in-chief is starting the hissy fit we all knew was coming by swearing that his team of lawyers will prove fraud and put all those news sources in their place for calling it.  But even with all the bullshit that will go on over the next month as he wages battles he is sure to lose, I feel confident for the first time in this race that it'll end up the way we need it to.

I'm not thinking about what will come next.  I'm not worrying about the impossible feat ahead for this new president of ours.  I'm not letting my mind drift into the future and think about logistics or senates or the political climate.  Right now I'm just thinking about the fact that there may be- for the first time in a LONG time- reason to hope.

On Claiming My Own Voice

I am white.  Cisgendered.  Heterosexual.  Able-bodied.  Neurotypical.  White collar.  Middle class.  Suburban American.  All of which can contribute to a feeling of not being particularly special and therefore not having anything particularly special to contribute to a lot of the important conversations going on.  (Black and white thinking, I know, but true.)

I also identify as a suicide loss survivor, mental health advocate, and individual who herself struggles with mental illness.  I work very hard in my role as a therapist to normalize the difficulties my clients face and to enable them to talk about everything from serious trauma and suicidality to every other thought that can make a person feel completely alienated and alone.  And I work very hard on myself in my efforts to not only practice what I preach but also integrate greater levels of spirituality and universal compassion.  All of which leads me to feel like I have quite a lot to say on the subject of mental health and its countless intersections within all of those aforementioned important conversations.

In the end, though, the most accurate term I can use to label myself (for as useful as labels can be) is human.  I think that best captures all the similarities and differences.  Not only of myself, but of everyone.  Human describes all people on the planet regardless of what they do or don't identify as.  And therefore dehuamization in any form is what I hate the most.  And one of the most dehuamizing experiences a person can have is being denied their voice.  Especially when the person denying it is them.

So regardless of how special or completely ordinary I may be I have to speak out.  About what I know and what I don't.  I have to share information and ask questions.  I have to point out what the world looks like from within my own skin and try to get a better understanding of what it looks like from inside others'.  I have to amplify my own voice and also hand the mic over to those being silenced.

It's not about being special.  If I believe in human rights then I have to believe in my own.  Especially the right to my own voice.

The Cycle of Grief

First, the trigger: John Oliver informing me about an entire culture being systematically eradicated in China.  Chinese Uighurs- have you heard about this?  If not click on the link below.  But be warned: it's pretty fucking brutal.

https://youtu.be/17oCQakzIl8

Here was my reaction-

Phase 1: Cynicism
Usually my first go-to.  My brain can't fathom what I'm hearing and in an initial reflexive defense move goes straight into cynicism.  These are the thoughts: Well, figures. Of course there's an entire culture that's being thrown into what are basically concentration camps.  It's certainly not the first time this has happened and it won't be the last.  Humans are such shit.

Phase 2: Anger
As Brené Brown points out, anger can be way more comfortable for a lot of us because it feels empowering.  Self-righteous rage feels a shit ton better than what comes next.  It sounds like this: Why isn't anyone doing anything about this?  How the fuck is this happening now?  We have to shut down Nike and all the other companies that are capitalizing on this bullshit NOW!

Phase 3: Despair
The most painful phase and one that can trigger a full-on "life is pointless" thought spiral if my brain gets away from me.  It goes like this:  What the fuck can I do?  Is this just going to keep happening because no one gives a shit?  How can I possibly help?  I'm so fucking useless.  If I were more active I'd find a way to do something but I'm such a lazy piece of shit I guess I'll sit here being appalled.

Phase 4: Blame/Shame
Even with all the work I do on self compassion it's still a trap I fall into.  It feels like this: Nice work, Bev.  Like life isn't hard enough right now without you putting yourself through this?  Do you fucking enjoy feeling this way?  Like it's going to help, really?  You're so fucking stupid.

Phase 5: Self- Compassion
I'm incredibly grateful that this has become as automatic for me as it now is.  It'd be nice if it came along faster in the process but I'm trying to appreciate that the pain I go through en route serves a purpose.  The self talk goes: That was really hard to hear.  Of course I feel powerless, anyone would.  I'm not a bad person because I don't know what to do.  I bet I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Phase 6: Action
Sometimes I think the internet is a horrifying cesspool of the absolute worst impulses of humanity.  Other times I thank fucking god that I have the true magic of being able to literally google the phrase "How can I help the Uighurs?" and instantaneously gain access to people who have already done the leg work for me, like this Muslim woman who provides a whole list of links to petitions I can sign, organizations I can donate to, and other resources I use to do something:
https://www.amaliah.com/post/57754/six-ways-can-help-uyghurs-muslims-china-right-now

I sign a couple of petitions, make a donation, feel a little bit better.  My initial cynicism pops back up for a second and I think "Like that'll do anything" before my self-compassion rationalizes "something isn't nothing."

Franchise

Many people who are far more eloquent than I have already weighed in on this topic.  I wish I had some of their abilities.  But I’m just me.  So I’m going to talk about me.

I vote.  I vote because it is my right as a citizen of this country.  I vote because I recognize that it is my responsibility as a member of a democracy.  I vote because it’s the easiest way to tell the government that I still give a shit about what they do and will hold them accountable for it.

Some of those eloquent people I mentioned earlier have already spoken about the fact that voting is a responsibility.  And I recognize that if I expect to enjoy the benefits of a democracy that takes my voice into account then I have to participate in that government.

You wouldn’t go to a town hall meeting and complain about the fact that there’s no traffic light in that dangerous intersection if you didn’t live, pay taxes and participate in the activities of that town.  And you cannot complain about the policies of government that affect your life if you do not participate in that government.  It’s that simple.

And on a broader note, I will add that a majority of the things we’re proud of in this country- free speech, the ability to live the lifestyle that you choose, shared identify- are all based in democracy.  Voting is the first amendment.  Voting is patriotism.  Voting is being an American.  Voting is what separates us from so many people in other countries that we feel so much empathy for.  And those people have and will continue to fight wars, raise civil protest and kill for that right that is given freely to us.

So go vote if you haven’t, celebrate if you have and shut the hell up if you’re not going to.  Because if you don’t accept the responsibility of participating in this government than you have absolutely no right to state your opinion about what it does.

Recession Ending

I know how to fix the recession. It's so obvious when you think about it, I don't why it didn't occur to me sooner.

The answer is: Therapy.

The economy's in the shitter because of the market, right? The market's in the shitter because people are scared. Where do you go to get your phobia treated? To the therapist.

We could do widespread exposure therapy for everyone on Wall Street and teach them basic coping tools to handle fear, stress, uncertainty and help them build confidence.

They, in turn, could act as peer counselors to their investors, giving them soothing words of advice when their stocks are fluctuating. The investors are calmed, keep their money put, and experience growth.

The rest of the world, experiencing a confidence boost themselves from this, buy more shit. This creates jobs giving more people money to buy more shit. And then we're back where we started.

Long term, we keep the assholes in Wall Street in therapy so that this shit doesn't happen again in another decade. Problem solved.

In the words of Will Ferrel as George W. Bush, "You're Welcome America!"