Hosted by the fabulous VikLit. Click here for all the info.
It's been an up and down week for me with lots of challenges and exciting things. First, the challenges: I was not invited for a second interview (not that I'm surprised given how poorly the first one went) and I'm suffering from a distinct absence of inspiration for writing (those dang muses never show up when you want 'em to) and thus have nothing for this week's Friday Flash (but I WILL next week!). So much for the downs.
Now to the ups, since that is the point of all this.
IWSG was, as always, wonderful. It is so reassuring to hear other amazingly talented authors share the same fears that plague me. It lifts me up, gives me hope and makes me feel human. I love the community of writers and am so, so grateful for events like IWSG and this. You all rock!
And secondly I joined my gym's tournament team! What does that mean, you ask? It means that I will be competing in local martial arts tournaments. I'll have much, much more to say on that once things get started but for now suffice it to say it's a reason to celebrate!
And last but certainly NOT least, Today is the finale of the Tree of Life: Branching Out collaborative writing project over at Sam's. It has been such a thrill to be part of this thing and I owe Sam a HUGE thanks for organzing this trully inspired project. And I owe a huge thanks to the other amazing writers who participated and everyone who read and commented along the way. Really, it's been a blast!
Head on over here to read the whole story- beginning to end- if you missed any of it.
And don't forget to comment because there's still time to win an autographed copy of the music that inspired it all- The Tree of Life by Audiomachine. Winners will be announced August 17th so get those comments up and vote for your favorite entry!
Now hop along blogger buddies, and keep the celebration going!
It's time for another installment of IWSG! Hosted, as always, by our own Ninja Captain Alexand co-hosted this month by the awesomeM. Pax,Karen Walker, andMelissa Maygrove. Please take a moment to thank all of them for their hard work. (And if you're unfamiliar with IWSG, click on the pic above to sign up/learn more and check out the link at the bottom to stop by all the fantastic bloggers participating.)
My insecurities this this month all hinge on one undeniably infuriating fact: there simply aren't enough hours in the day. Anyone feeling this way right now? You must be. Because I know for a fact that the bulk of you, like me, have pretty busy lives outside of your writing. You're also working full time jobs, a lot of you are caring for children who are still off from school, many of you have other commitments that you regularly engage in in your communities (either online or IRL) and you're trying to squeeze in the time to write that next flash fiction piece or finish that book review or get the dang post up on the web before you head out to work.
I myself am struggling with the fact that as much as I still need to be writing everyday there's something else right now that's taking precedence: job searching. At this very moment I'm trying to get this post finished and up on the web so that I can use the remainder of my half hour before I have to leave for work to submit a resume and cover letter. Every time I sit down at my computer I'm a bit torn because, as always, I need to write (and visit all my other blogger buddies because where would I be without them?) but there's also a whole bunch of applications yet to be completed...
Not to mention that I'm so woefully behind on my reading list that I blush a little bit in embarrassment every time another book review pops up. (And we all know that you can't be a better writer without reading A LOT. So Yeah.)
I've seen other people post about the lack of useable time in the past and I've felt for them because even when I'm doing a little better with time management I'm still just scrounging up small snippets of time here and there. But now I'm the one finding myself so strapped for spare minutes that I figured I'd put the call out to the community.
What do you all do to squeeze in everything that needs to get done in a day? Is there a simple system that helps you stay sane? I'm open to any and all feedback you may have.
Don't forget to hop along and visit all the other fantabulous bloggers! Click here.
Hosted by the ridiculously cool Dani at Entertaining Interests and the equally chill Jackie at Bouquet of books. Go check them out and sign up if you haven't already!
What book/movie characters do you relate to most?
Eeesh- that's a tough one. It changes a lot. When I was younger (read: full of angst) I was really into tragic characters like Sydney Carton- unloved, unable to live up to potential, dreaming of having such fantastic last words. I had a huge thing for Sydney Carton through middle and high school and more than vehement arguments with my father over the true nature of this noble character. And even though I'm very glad to no longer see any of him in myself he will live in my heart forever.
I've already talked about my eternal love for Garden State and the main character Andrew Largeman. The movie came along at the exact right moment in my life for me to latch onto with a character-defining devotion and for years and years I felt just like that young man- floundering my way into adulthood, searching for a sense of meaning in the chaos of my life and desperately trying to find home. While I would still refer to that as my favorite movie of all time I am happy to say that I no longer relate so much to Large because, thankfully, I've found my home.
But much like Mr. Carton before him he will always hold a very special place inside my heart that can never be filled by anyone else.
I struggle to think of who I relate to most now. After many years (read: my twenties) of searching and struggling I am pretty comfortable in my own skin nowadays (thank god!)and incredibly grateful to find myself relating to more confident characters. One that struck a chord in me a couple years back was a book called Love or Something Like It by Deirdre Shaw. It's about a young woman named Lacey who falls in love, marries, loses herself within that relationship (as women so often do) and then has to completely reorganize her world when the relationship falls apart.
Now granted, I'm not married and I don't feel like I ever lost myself in my relationship but I do relate to her journey of discovering- or rather, defining- herself as an adult woman. Because the story isn't just about figuring out who you are, it's about figuring out what you want your life to be. This woman not only adapts a new, healthier and very Zen worldview but she figures out what she wants to be (a writer) and what space she wants to occupy in the world (a small, quiet one). And in the process, she manages to genuinely forgive her ex-husband after years of hating him and thus frees herself from her past. I loved the strong, independent woman that she turns into in the end. And I dream of having that kind of fidelity to myself in my life. (But hopefully I'll get there without the divorce.)
At any rate, it probably goes without saying that there are a million other characters I have loved and will love depending on my mood at the time of reading/viewing. And when it comes down to it, isn't that what it's all about? Losing yourself in a different character every time you pick up a book? Maybe not every single one of them sticks with you, but every single one of them should make an impact on you, should feel real enough for you put yourself in their skin. That's the magic, after all.
I wrote on here not too long ago about my excitement over getting my license and how many potential new jobs would be open to me because of this. Well, despite all those new jobs potentially utilizing my license I haven't actually been all that active in seeking them out. I've applied to precisely three jobs since I got it. One got back to me last week saying that the position had been filled and as time passed I feared that the other applications had fallen into some black hole in the internet never to be seen again. You can imagine how thrilled I was to get the call inviting to do a phone interview.
I was super prepared- I researched the company, wrote down questions I was going to ask, came up with narratives about why I'd be perfect for the position, planned to be home in plenty of time so that I could be calm, cool and collected when the interviewer called- the whole nine. Well, you know what they say about best laid plans, right? She called a half hour early while I was in the car on my way home from work; I had to pull over and park the car so that I could talk to her.
Rather than being at home with all my notes carefully laid out in front of me I was bent over the passenger's seat fumbling for my folder (thank goodness I had it with me!). Because of this I was a bit frazzled in my responses, missed asking about 90% of the questions I wrote down, overemphasized some things and missed emphasizing others. All in all it did NOT go the way I planned.
But more than one person has told me that they've been hired at jobs for which they thought they interviewed really, really poorly. I don't think I interviewed poorly, I just didn't interview in the flawlessly spectacular way I had set out to. Only time will tell if I did well enough to land that all important second interview.
Still, regardless of the outcome, I'm incredibly grateful for the movement on the job front, especially after so many weeks of waiting. I'm grateful that my application and resume didn't fall into some black hole and that I now have a bona fide contact person at this company I so want to work for. I'm grateful for whatever performance I gave under pressure and I'm especially grateful for my friends and family who have been consoling me that it probably didn't go nearly as badly as I think it did. Other than that all I can say is: Wish me luck!
I wrote this sort-of experimental piece several years ago and posted it here, but back then no one saw it. I figured it deserved to see the light of day and thought maybe I could get some feedback on it. I don't really know what to make of it, but I'd love to know what you think.
~
The phone rings for three long, tormenting rings promising a voicemail pick up before a frazzled sounding voice answers. Part of me is glad I won’t have to suffer through the awkwardness of leaving a message and stumbling over my words. The other part of me screams inside my head as I realize that I will have to speak. But it’s been a year and he had called. I had to call back.
“Uh, hey- hey, it’s Alex. How’s it going?”
“Alex, hello.”
And there it is already. The simple words, the lack of opening, the searching for what to say next. Everyday decorum usually dictates that a greeting will be immediately followed by a question that opens the possibility for a response. But he never makes it easy to start the conversation. I never really understand why, it’s just how he always is. Conversations are never normal, everyday things.
“Hi. How’s it going?”
“I was thinking about you, actually.”
No explanation as to why, just the statement. Odd. And I wonder what to say, other than the obvious question.
“Oh yeah, how?”
“I saw that movie we watched, Brazil. I showed it you, remember?”
Ah, a movie- something I can talk about.
“Oh yeah- God, that was weird.”
“Weird how?”
“Well, it was just all this fantasy world and… it was just weird.”
Ah, good. Two minutes into the conversation and I’ve already managed to sound like an idiot. My perfect record remains. And of course I’m greeted by the silence I would expect.
“I mean, I liked it. It was just weird.”
And the silence again, letting me know… well, nothing really. Our conversations are always filled with long, seemingly full silences. Not the kinds that you have with someone you’re so comfortable with that you don’t need to talk. The kinds you have when you’re thinking the other person must be thinking something. Probably something you can’t grasp. And you have no idea what it is.
“So what’s going on with your life? You don’t have babies, do you? I don’t think I could handle it if you had babies.”
And true to form he manages to throw me with a single question.
“No, no- God, no. Not married, no kids, not planning on having any.”
For just a second I get to sound as non traditional as he actually is.
“Really? You always struck me as one of those girls who wanted a family and all that.”
Of course it wouldn't last. But that doesn't mean I can't sound a little grown up.
“I did when you knew me. Things have a changed a bit, I guess. What about you? You always struck me as one of those guys who didn’t.”
“Things haven’t changed.”
And he manages to answer my question without actually telling me anything. Always something he was skilled at. And I have to ask, out of morbid curiosity.
“So, are you single? Uh, I mean, you know- seeing someone?”
“Yes, I see her making grilled cheese sandwiches right now. You remember Sarah Kasone? I think you knew her.”
“Yeah, from high school? She’s your roommate?”
“She’s my bed mate.”
“Oh, wow... Wow, it’s a small world.”
It wasn’t that I was hoping that he was single. I got over that crush years ago and I’m pretty settled with my significant other. It's just the idea that he had reached one of those adulthood milestones before I did- living with the significant other. Something I've thought about for so many years, one of those ways you know you’re an adult. And there he is doing it. Him, the drifter. The one who never lived in the same city for more than a three month period once he left our hometown. The one who would sooner die than have an office job or a schedule. The one who has no interest whatsoever in a normal, ordinary life. There he is, cohabitating. And I'm supposed to be the traditional one.
“What about you?”
“Oh, I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together… three years? Yeah, three years.”
“Wow. Congratulations. That’s a big deal.”
And somehow he makes it sound as if that’s more amazing than living with someone. Then again, maybe it is.
And the conversation builds into somewhat of a flow. I tell him about my crappy job, the 9 to 5 one he never wanted. He tells me he and his roommate/significant other are going to the New School and living in Brooklyn. I’m honestly happy he got back into school. He was always meant to be a scholar, whether he realized it or not.
We have the freedom to bluntly tell it like it is in that way that you can only do with someone who isn’t a fixture in your life. Or maybe it’s a dynamic I can only have with him. He’s the only person I know who I seem to give annual updates to.
Popping up out of nowhere, making me wonder about a different lifestyle and whether or not my choices are as inevitable as they seem, and then disappearing again.
The aftershocks are always felt for a least a few weeks afterward as I find myself looking at everyday, mundane events and wondering if he has any idea what they’re like. Or if anyone does, for that matter.
We talk as though we’re trying to ride a tandem bike. We both know how to do it, but doing it together is awkward and strange and you can never quite get the pattern down so you move in starts and bursts with the threat of falling over every few feet.
Or maybe he and I never were on the same wave length and I’ve always been trying to catch a ride I could never actually catch. I wonder all of these things during the long, deep pauses in between topics. And most of all I wonder what he’s thinking. I never had a clue.
In the end we descend into a passionate but safe discussion about politics. Safe because we’re both voting for the same guy for the same general reasons. Safe because it’s not about us. And that connection is gone again.
We say that we should talk more often, that it’s good to hear from each other. That we’ll call in sooner than a year. I doubt we will.
He’s been like Hailey’s comet to me for longer than he was anything else. Something that will come blazing through my atmosphere in a fiery, chaotic rush that makes my sky light up for a moment and casts a different light on everything that surrounds me before moving out of orbit again and leaving me standing still.
A long, long time ago (2 months, to be precise) in a city far, far away (Hong Kong) a lovely and thoughtful blogger nominated me for my very first Sunshine Award. She probably thinks that I've forgotten all about it. I haven't. And while I certainly could have made it a point to post it and share it earlier I didn't. Not because it doesn't mean a lot to me, but simply because I suck at time management and finding the time to link to all the other bloggers I will need to pass this on to. But I'm finally making the time.
Here are the rules:
1.Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog.
2.Link to the person who nominated you.
3.Answer 10 questions about yourself.
4.Nominate 10 bloggers.
5.Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.
So please take a moment to go visit Laura Besley over at Living Loving and Writing. Laura is a fantastic flash fiction writer and avid reader who reviews books at truly staggering speeds. And needless to say, she has an insanely sunny disposition- which is why it's so appropriate that this award came from her. Thank you so much, Laura. You rock my socks off!
Now, onto the 10 questions:
Fave color: Blue, all shades.
Fave animal: Eagle. They are amazing hunters but mainly it's just the flying that gets me. I'd give anything to fly like that.
Fave number: 7. No earthly idea why. But if you ask me to pick a number between one and ten, that's what I'm picking.
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Smoothies!!!
Fave alcoholic drink: White zinfandel or an amaretto sour. (I know, I'm so girly).
Facebook or Twitter: Twitter. I can count the number of times I've been on Facebook in the past four years on one hand.
Passions: My family and friends, Tang Soo Do, Writing, reading, learning (just about anything).
Prefer giving or getting presents? Giving, definitely. When I think of a good gift and the person I give it to is genuinely excited to receive it I am beyond thrilled.
Fave city? Edinburgh, Scotland. I've only been there once but it inspired me more than anywhere else I've ever been.
Fave TV Shows: Oh, too many to count. I watch a lot of TV and there are a number of really well-written shows on cable- HBO (Sopranos, Sex and the City, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, The Newsroom), AMC (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Walking Dead), Showtime (Homeland, Weeds, Dexter) and Netflix that I'm a big fan of. Recent discoveries of note include House of Cards (Netflix- Kevin Spacey doing what he does devastatingly well. Absoutely the most impressive new series on television.) and Orange is the New Black (Also Netflix- good for them! And good for Jenji Kohan creating another hit after the end of Weeds!)
