Saturday, February 26, 2011

If I wasn't me...

If I wasn’t me then other’s words might be my own. Their ideas, their thought processes, their flashes of creativity and plot twists might come from my mind. If I wasn’t me I might have written a novel and even shown enough talent to be published.

It I wasn’t me I might have that thing which is so elusive and unfathomable to me- confidence. I might possess the sort self- aware grin that only comes from knowing that you have it. (Whatever it is.) If I wasn’t me I might possess a powerful sexuality that I could wield like a weapon- using my body in subtle ways to get what I want from the opposite sex. If I wasn’t me I might demand respect.

If I wasn’t me I might not fight so hard to be heard or shut down when I wasn’t. I might let others come to me and ask for my knowledge, my insight, my help or instructions. I might sit, calmly, quietly while the rest of the world fought and simply wait my turn to speak my peace. If I wasn’t me my words might have an impact greater than even I could know.

If I wasn’t me I might find it impossible to sit back and watch. I might have a million different activities taking up my time, my energy, my strength. I might be that person that everyone says is always racing around like an energizer bunny- their hands in everything, stunning others with the amount of energy they have to conquer so many different areas so easily. If I wasn’t me this might be easy.

If I wasn’t me I wouldn’t see the world like I do. I might see the good in each and every single person I met. I might even bring out the best in them. Or, conversely, I might not see any good in the world at all- not even friends or family. I might sit on the edges of life watching others like a tiger stalking an elk through the long grass. I might see people as food, or fun, or simply distraction and I might use them for nothing more than that. If I wasn't me I would see the world through a different set of eyes.

If I wasn’t me I might know why the hell I was here, or at least believe I know. I might pursue a goal with the sort-of stead fast diligence that can only come from the truly devout. I might never question, never wonder, never doubt. I would simply know, and no one would be able to dissuade me. If I wasn't me I might hold true to a set path.

If I wasn’t me I might be one of those people that I’ve seen way too many movies about. The ones that are beautiful without knowing their beauty, influential without knowing their influence, wanted without being able to ever accept such wanting. I might be fearful of committing myself fully to anyone in any respect, afraid to lose myself. The sort of fierce independence that looks really good on the young and rebellious, and really sad on the old and retired. If I wasn't me I might be one of the beautiful untouchables.

If I wasn’t me I might not care like I do. I might be one of those assholes who screwed other people over with such ease and ended up getting what they wanted. The sort of ease that only comes from truly not knowing how your actions affect others, and not caring if someone points it out to you. Being me, I always like to think those people eventually get their comeuppance- but I’ve yet to see any evidence to support that idea. If I wasn't me then my guiding motivation for every action might not be guilt.

It I wasn’t me… then the world wouldn’t be the world. It would look, feel, seem different. I would interact with it differently. Events would happen differently. Conversations would end differently. If I wasn’t me- then I would be a different me, and I probably wouldn't be wondering what it was like to be someone else in the first place.

1 comment:

  1. If I wasn't me, would I be wondering what it would like to be me?


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