She could drive herself crazy thinking about it, thinking about anything other than this moment. And she would have, a year ago- hell, even six months ago. She'd have spreadsheets and graphs and have analyzed each and every way it could go wrong to calculate the percentage, the likelihood of failure. Now the mere thought of such a reaction exhausted her, and she exhaled it like a rotten taste in her mouth. Bleh.
She didn't hesitate as she mounted the first step, simply handed the ticket to the driver, smiled and greeted him with a genuine, heartfelt "Hello!"
He looked up at her, as if awakened from a snooze. He studied her face for a just a second, and upon seeing genuine warmth there a smile lit up his own face, pulling the edges of his lips up and revealing old, yellow teeth.
She paused, for just a split second, refusing to rush a genuine contact with another soul. It was one of many practices she'd integrated into her life, and one of many reasons she was boarding this bus now. No fear, no more hiding, just living.
He nodded at her and she widened her smile briefly before turning to walk down the aisle. She sat herself down by a window, her one creature comfort for the trip, and settled in.
And as the other passengers filed on and stashed their bags and sodas and seated themselves she breathed in the wonder of it all. Not where she was going, or even what would happen once she was there, but just the simple awareness of the moment. The knowledge of being right there on that bus. And she felt an awe for the gratitude she could feel for such a simple thing as a ticket.