It was an accident. Freak, unfortunate, random act of shit. But like many of those horrible events that permanently alters the course of one's life, it happened. And much like those events, it couldn't be undone.
But she didn't know that yet. And she plummeted into the bottomless pit of self hatred searching for a way to change that past. She could not forgive because she still hoped that by hating she could somehow alter the course of her life. She could not let go because she still believed that by holding on she would be able to force another path, another future. One that wasn't based in the pain she'd experienced.
And so her journey became what it was, because she couldn't release what it couldn't be.