I've fallen into the hole again. The cynical, jaded and angry hole. The place to wallow, to hate, to revel in disgust. I've been better about staying out of there of late but damned if I didn't fall hard today.
It's funny- I've gotten so much better at fighting my own internal voice which, generally speaking, gives much harsher feedback than any real-world source. That voice, so familiar to me because it's mine, had become easy to dismiss, to fight back against, to vanquish. Because the message is the same. Because it sounds so familiar.
But the external attack- or the unseen attacker- is sudden and violent and so, so devastating. I have no defense because it seems true. I am not prepared to fight back, and I don't think I deserve to. From easy dismissal to the bottom of the hole in one single message.
And things are mighty dark down here.