Even now, looking around this space- MY space- I still struggle to feel real. So much has changed in such an incredibly short period of time. I have a new definition of home. A new definition of family. A new definition of myself. A new definition of life.
Everything has completely changed. And even the things that haven't changed seem drastically different in the light of all the other changes. Even work, even yoga, even karate and friendships that have always been there. Everything- everything is different.
Slightly over a month ago, life looked like it had for years. Years and years and years. And now, slightly over a month later, I'm already slipping into a new pattern. New daily routines. New normalcy. In only over a month. I can't believe it.
I would be impressed or excited or hopeful but I can't be too much. Because every time I think I'm accepting, the past comes back. Every time I think I'm firmly rooted in the present a memory pulls me back into the past. Ten years of memories, ten years of stories, ten years of you being a constant in my life. And now, nothing.
That's what I struggle with the most- the timeline. The speed with which a life can so drastically and completely change. It feels like being picked up by a hurricane. You're swept up, blown away. Nothing firm to hold on to, no idea as to when it will end or where you'll land. Nothing to do but be thrown about and hope nothing irreparably breaks when you land.
But it's strange- it seems I landed a long time ago. But my head's been spinning ever since.