She stared into the hazel-speckled green eyes in front of her, the ones she’s been staring at for years, and waited for the familiar sensations to take over. The festering sense of nausea in her stomach, the sickening kick of her heart as it sped up, the flushed sensation on her skin, the reflexive strain of her muscles as they tightened involuntarily. She felt nothing. That, more than anything else, let her know that it was really over this time.
So many times she’d stood in this spot, looking into those eyes, trying to will herself to end it. There was just no room in her life for this, there hadn’t been for a long time. But she’d been unable to let it go, unable to move on. Stuck with the image of who she’d been and not wanting to let it go, no matter how much it didn’t match who she was.
There had still been love there in those eyes looking back at her. And a reminder of everything that had gone on. So many years of her life looking back at her- both good and bad, but so familiar and so comforting. For years she’d been paralyzed with fear whenever she even thought of letting it go. Fear and revulsion.
But she didn’t see herself in her life when she looked now. She didn’t see her new house, her great new job, her studio where she would let her passion go without having to cram into a small space it didn’t belong in. And she didn’t see him, the man who come into her life and promised so much more than what she saw in front of her now. She didn’t see any of that now, and she wanted to.
She let out a breath and watched her shoulders sink, concluding that this was finally it. It was ending. And it was good.
“Ok, we can toss it,” she said.
“Finally!” he exclaimed, walking right past her to take hold of the heavy, faded wood. “I have been begging for you to get rid of this thing for years! This is- do you realize this takes up like a third of this space? We’ll have so much more room now!”
“Look, this isn’t easy for me- could you be a little less excited?”
“Sweetie, it’s a mirror. I know you’re attached to it for sentimental value or whatever but when it comes down to it it’s an old, ugly mirror- I don’t even think an antique shop would take this thing! Look, it’s good- I’m proud of you. Now, if we could just get you to let go of that matching armoire we’d be in really good shape….”
“Don’t even think about it!” she snapped, the familiar kick of her heart speeding up her words.
“Ok, ok- one thing at time, progress is progress… maybe next weekend you’ll be able to look at that one…” he said, grunting as he dragged the heavy oval mirror out the back door.
She watched it go and couldn’t help the tear pooling in the corner of her eye.