Sunday, April 3, 2016

Goodbyes and Hellos

I've been wondering lately, in the midst of life steamrolling straight ahead, if we ever really close the door on our past.  All of our rituals and behaviors we reserve for such things- letting go, moving on, accepting.  As much as the spoken words and steps followed give us something real to clasp onto.. I don't know if ever really let go.

Because our memories never leave us.  And that's the very thing that gives us solace when things go the way they do and those endings we didn't expect force us onto a different course.  But when trying to let go, when trying to move on- those same memories keep us where we are.  Not quite ready to let go, but unable to go back.

So I'm not fooling myself with this.  I know there will be more tears.  I know those memories will still hit me at the oddest moments, stealing my breath away once again and flattening me to the ground like they do.  I know that the pain and the joy will always be a part of me, wherever I go, whatever do, however the next chapter of my story unfolds. 

So I guess that's the acceptance piece.  Knowing that it continues, in unexpected ways and quiet moments of stillness.  Knowing that who I am will always include who I was.  And bringing all of that past with me into the future.

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