Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cat Nation

My fellow felines,
I address you today as a concerned citizen of the greater cat nation. There appears to be a developing movement away from the quiet, meek, human serving image that we have sought to keep throughout our long history to a more, shall we say, proud appearance in the general public. I must strongly advise against this.
I am speaking of course to my furry friends who have “come out” with their recent accomplishments. Our comrade in Georgia has been praised for obtaining a high school diploma. ( Our sister Nora has been shown on the Today show playing the piano. ( Countless others of you- you know who you are- have been videotaped dancing, singing, solving puzzles and various other activities which all suggest that we are smarter than we seem. And for what, fame? Notoriety? These are human cravings. We are above them.
I appreciate that we must all make sacrifices in order to play dumb when our superior intellect allows so many of us to stretch the known realms of science, literature, art, dance, philosophy, psychology and all the other areas of study. Not to mention our studies of catastrophe which I must again warn against anyone sharing less our plans be completely ruined.
The danger with displaying this intellect, dear fellows, is that is undermines all our attempts to keep the humans who serve us unaware of our greater plans. If we are to continue to rule the world we must do so quietly less those under our charge become aware of their servitude.
Thus I strongly advise those of you who enjoy your lifestyle to restrain from these outbursts. Do you enjoy your servants housing you, picking up after you, feeding you, providing you with narcotic substances, attempting ridiculous acts in order to entertain you? If so then don’t publish that book you’re writing. Don’t perform that concerto you’ve composed. Don’t share your physics proof with the scientist who you ward. And please stop posing for those ridiculous pictures. Well, not because it makes us look smart but because we all must maintain some dignity.
I am sure I do not need to remind you of the consequences of failing to heed this warning.
Yours in catitude,
General C.

1 comment:

Thank you for your comment! I will love it and hug it and pet it and call it George. Or, you know, just read and reply to it. But still- you rock!