They say that when you’re stuck you should try to make a change. When you can’t make a change they say complaining doesn’t help. Several months of me complaining has more than proven this statement. They say you should just try to make one positive step each and everyday day. On most days, I do ok with this. I don’t bitch non-stop about my job because I know that won’t help, I just focus on sending in one more job application, one more resumé, one more cover letter. But some days, after that’s done, you still find yourself feeling crappy about the whole thing.
I’m not asking for much, I don’t think. I’m not asking for a job that will reveal my life’s purpose. I’m not asking for a job that will create meaning for my life. Hell, I’m not even asking for a job I like. I’m fine with work being something you get paid for because no one’s lucky enough to get paid for doing what they love. (Yeah, I’ve heard the stories too but if I allowed myself to believe them I’d have unrealistic expectations.)
No, I’m just asking for something that I don’t hate as much as this. For something that pays for all the stress and aggravation I currently get nothing for. Or something with less stress and aggravation that pays the same crappy salary. Or something that would justify the $300 plus I have to pay towards my damned student loan every month. Something that is more than just putting out fires and explaining to managers higher up why everything is constantly messed up. Something in which there’s some movement, however little, towards improving the amazingly messed system. Or at least something that, if it is crappy all day long, I can at least leave behind me when I finally get out of the office.
I really don’t believe my expectations are too grand to met. I’ve lowered them so much from the way I used to think that most people agree it’s not unreasonable to want that. But that doesn’t mean I get what I want. And after 8 months of just one more resumé it’s hard not to get dragged down. I’m not complaining, though. I know that doesn’t help. But they say that the universe can’t give you what you need unless you put it out there. So I‘m putting out there my belief that there has to be something better than this.