I know how to fix the recession. It's so obvious when you think about it, I don't why it didn't occur to me sooner.
The answer is: Therapy.
The economy's in the shitter because of the market, right? The market's in the shitter because people are scared. Where do you go to get your phobia treated? To the therapist.
We could do widespread exposure therapy for everyone on Wall Street and teach them basic coping tools to handle fear, stress, uncertainty and help them build confidence.
They, in turn, could act as peer counselors to their investors, giving them soothing words of advice when their stocks are fluctuating. The investors are calmed, keep their money put, and experience growth.
The rest of the world, experiencing a confidence boost themselves from this, buy more shit. This creates jobs giving more people money to buy more shit. And then we're back where we started.
Long term, we keep the assholes in Wall Street in therapy so that this shit doesn't happen again in another decade. Problem solved.
In the words of Will Ferrel as George W. Bush, "You're Welcome America!"