tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5575209851731621303.post4841837908965954859..comments2023-10-20T10:51:08.657-04:00Comments on The Beveled Edge: The House on Hubert St.Bevimushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14924337684790883853noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5575209851731621303.post-63056163657145117222011-05-23T18:52:19.417-04:002011-05-23T18:52:19.417-04:00I think everyone remembers how it feels to be a ki...I think everyone remembers how it feels to be a kid stuck in the ebb and flow of your family's life. I loved the part about the hotdogs... for some reason "grandfatherly" felt like a perfect and hilarious adjective! This feels very much like the start of a bigger story--is it?<br /><br />Also, I have 1 suggestion: the 4th-to-last paragraph ends with, "And mixed in with the hatred Jacob felt a ping of something else, something he wouldn't understand until much later in life." That one kind of fell flat for me, because it doesn't really evoke an emotional reaction. Intellectually I can guess at what he's feeling (resentment? sadness? pity?), but I think it would resonate a lot more if you gave the reader's emotions something to jump off of, like an example. Maybe another sentence like, "... something he wouldn't understand until much later in life; the same thing he would feel when his girlfriend left him for an investment banker from Chicago, or the first time no one remembered his birthday."<br /><br />Nice work!Max Cantorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00162681176688582120noreply@blogger.com